Change.

As I write this, I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve just dropped my kids off at their new school for their first day and until I pick them up and hear all about it, I’m going to worry.

Change is a funny thing. Some are terrified of it. Some welcome it for the new opportunity it present. Some use change to run, to hide, to avoid. Whatever your relationship with change, there’s no denying it inspires some pretty strong feelings.

I welcome change. I find it exciting, thrilling and full of opportunity. My husband would say my desire for change is less healthy than that. I’m always looking for the next house, the next wall paint colour, the next project. He says I never sit with something and he’s probably right. I don’t like to attach myself emotionally to anything. I guess it comes from going to boarding school at 11, but when you’re going from one ‘home’ to another ‘home’ all the time and neither of them really feel like home, you get used to change and learn quickly not to get too attached to any place, thing or person.

On the other hand, my husband hates change. He need propelling through any decision that will initiate change. Sometimes, it’s easier to just do something and present it as a fait a complis because it’s often the build up to the change that he struggles the most with. While he’s much better at appreciating things as they actually are, he’s also aware that he’s probably missed some experiences and opportunities if he’d been more open to upsetting the routine, the usual, the regular.

There’s a balance to be found. It took me a while to recognise that what I thought was an innate adaptability and flexibility in my personality - something I saw as a positive attribute - was, at least in part, a protective act; an unwillingness to attach to anything too deeply for fear of being ripped away from them. What my husband saw as a connection with the present, a contentment and appreciation of how things were was, in part, a fear of the unknown, an avoidance technique.

One is neither better nor worse than the other but as I sit here worrying about how my kids are getting on, whether they’re making new friends, or whether they like their new teacher, I do know one thing. We’ve given them an opportunity to experience change in a positive way and I hope that sets them up for a healthy relationship with change as they grow up.