Champagne & Sisterwives


I've always found the idea of polygamy kind of disturbing. Obviously, right? Apart from the obvious legal issues, that whole Sister Wives dynamic feels more than a little cult-like. A towering patriarch that manages a hareem of women dedicated to satisfying his every need? Eeeew...please. But since my best friend (a.k.a my Sister Wife for the purposes of this blog), her husband and her Small (a boy, two and a half) have been staying with us, I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, these Sister Wives may just be onto something. Now, let's immediately exclude the weird sex issues surrounding this set up, just take a minute to think about it. Right now, there's one guy in our house (my friend's husband; mine is away with work), two women and two kids. In effect, we are a Mormon family in an embryonic state. And let me tell you: life is way easier.

First up, my Sister Wife and I share the cooking. While one of us cooks, the other watches the kids. This means that neither of us are managing hot oil, boiling pasta and a Small desperate to climb up our legs and stick its face in the pan's 'bubbles'. The cleaning up takes half the time because we can both use BOTH HANDS because Daddy-daycare is helping them dig up worms in the garden. Then, when they nap, we can drink champagne, chat, read Grazia and chat about how, as much as we love Jennifer Lawrence, we can't help but feel a little uncomfortable about the fact that she's going out with Coldplay Chris.

Oh, and did you note, the 'drink champagne' bit? Yep, when you're not on your own you can do that at ANY time of the day and it's OK. Cool, huh?

Plus, you have company a.k.a. an adult to speak to; someone who can bring more than 'yes', 'no', 'more', 'bubbles', 'cat' and 'meow' to the table. Any momma who stays at home with a Small knows that's kind of a big deal. Even when one Small is lying on the floor screaming and crying and wailing while banging its head on the floor because we've just explained that we can't make more London buses drive past the front door, while the other is methodically and carefully redecorating the spare room walls with my Chanel lipstick, we can just look at each other and telepathically give each other a motivational high five and just deal with it with a wry smile on our faces.

Nap times are spent watching trashy TV (with two of you, the housework is ALREADY done!) because you don't feel nearly as guilty watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians when you're doing it with someone else, especially when you can both convince yourselves that actually the Kardashian girls are wicked smart and they get a bad rep and Kris Jenner, with six kids and an empire to run must actually be Gandalf in drag to manage all that shit (after all, no amount of money can buy you more hours in the day).

Evenings are spent with the three of us sharing wine, cooking food and laughing as we remember what we used to do on a Friday night before kids (drink till we were blind, buy kebabs on the way home, throw them up before bed and sleep till midday the next day). We may watch a movie or, if we're feeling adventurous, we'll get a sitter and head to the local Mexican for burritos and a couple of margaritas before heading home sober (because a hangover is NOT worth it) and early (because sitters are expensive).

Breakfast is a buzzy, busy, happy vibe with the radio on the kids playing, the mommas drinking coffee and chatting and breakfast appearing almost magically because two of you are doing it and somehow it doesn't feel like work when you can girl-talk your way through it.

As if that wasn't enough, Sister Wives are also telepathic. You know those conversations you have when mommas get together about how just wish that sometimes your husband would recognise you're on your ass and just tidy up the kitchen, or do the laundry, or cook dinner? Guess what!? YOUR SISTER WIFE DOES KNOW THIS STUFF. The empathy between you is literally tangible and before you even know you're about to have a breakdown, your Sister Wife has noticed and done the washing up, changed your Small's nappy and made you a cup of tea.

So, while polygamy is not for me (double dipping in any context is not acceptable)...having a Sister Wife is awesome. I genuinely think that if we had enough money and lived in the same city I would fashion some sort of modern commune so that we can create our own 'village' and raise our children the old/new fashioned way.