Mother-fucking Sorcerer


Well. Thank fuck Christmas is over and done with for another year. I'm no Scrooge, but by the time it gets to Boxing Day, I'm so drained, tired, hungover and I never have any clean underwear left because I'm terrible at packing and I always forget something. And it's always knickers. And of course, we're always travelling. I don't know when it happens that I can expect people to come to us, but I'll tell you, it's not now. Between 23rd December and 2nd of January we drove over 650 miles and slept in three different beds…which would have been fine if we didn't have a Small to take around with us. Let me tell you, she doesn't travel light (what am I saying?! I don't need to tell you; you know how it goes.) Anyway, despite my current downer on the festive season, there was a real highlight and that was Cards Against Humanity (CAH). If you don't know about it, buy it. Just buy it; don't read about it. Go to Amazon right now, buy it and thank me later. If you do know about it, you'll know it's the best thing to happen to Christmas since gift receipts. Needless to say, we played a lot of Cards Against Humanity and we introduced a lot of people to the game…one of those people was my Dad.

If you know my Dad, you'll know that he's terribly posh. He's the real life version of Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers. He's clumsy, can't do anything quietly, a Conservative councillor. Despite this, he does use the c-word and he does it in the most effective RP accent that you can't help but think he might have just paid you a compliment. Anyway, we were playing CAH and one of the answers he read was, "…because I'm a motherfucking sorcerer."

(I'm getting to my parenting point, I promise.)

Firstly, let me just say, that my life was complete hearing my father utter that sentence but, when I got over the hilarity of what he'd just said it made me think about who actually IS a motherfucking sorcerer. And you know what I came up with? WE ARE!

Parents, stand tall and proud because we are the only people I can think of (aside from Gandalf…and maybe Dumbledor) who can legitimately refer to ourselves as motherfucking sorcerers. Let's face it, it's nothing short of freakin' magic that we survive the days at first and then when we emerge from the initial shock, rather like Gandalf the Grey morphing into Gandalf the White, we are totally transformed from 'muggles' to, quite simply motherfucking sorcerers.

First of all, it's a bad ass title and we all know that parents are bad ass. Fact.

Secondly, only a bad ass armed with serious superpowers could be a parent, partner, bum wiper, cook, cleaner, driver, storyteller, friend, colleague, bodyguard, carrier, feeder, puke catcher, bed maker, washer-woman and alive all in the space of about 45 minutes. And to do this on no sleep?! I'm telling you; I've figured it out. WE ARE ALL MOTHERFUCKING SORCERERS.