If you follow my Instagram account (if not, why not?) then you’ll know that I’m not doing so brilliantly at the moment. It’s not a big deal, it’s not life-threatening, it’s not even that serious and, if I’m honest, it’s entirely my own fault. But, I’ve been here before. It’s kind of a cycle and I thought I’d share it just in case you are struggling in some kind of way. If so, I hope this does two things:

1. Make you feel less aloe

2. Help you put shit in perspective

But, first things first: here are the symptoms of ‘burnout’ (from HelpGuide.org)

You don’t have to be feeling all of these but if you’re feeling a good few of them, then chances are you’re struggling, you’re overdoing it, you need a break and you need to slow down.

I have partied like a Rolling Stone for a month to celebrate my 40th. That’s not the end of the world in itself, but remember I’ve barely left the house for 18 months so it’s come as somewhat of a shock to my system. Plus, I haven’t been taking care of myself. I normally journal in the morning and the evening, spend 10 minutes meditating and try to walk for an hour. I also try to make sure I’m in bed for 10pm, that my phone is plugged in downstairs and that I read every night. I try to eat a lot of protein, I take vitamins and of course, I take a tiny pill of joy (Sertraline 100mg daily) to manage my anxiety.

Let me tell you, if you forget to take your vitamins, you’ll be fine. If you forget to take your anti-anxiety meds or your anti-depressants, you’re going to feel like shit.

So, on Sunday as I recovered from the final celebration, I felt my body and brain go into shutdown. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to reply to any emails or texts. I didn’t answer any phone-calls. I was short tempered and craving all the food that was really bad for me. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep. I was constantly refreshing Instagram, switching to TikTok, rinse and repeat. I was exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open. I could hardly even move my body. I felt like I sucked at my job and couldn’t think of a single original thing to say or do online. I told myself that no one really likes me, that I am an awful human and I wallowed in the pain of that for ages. The voices inside my head were nasty and unkind and unforgiving.

This is my burnout. As I read that back, I can see it so clearly and thankfully, because I’m used to the comings and goings of my sanity and rationality, I’ve learned to recognise it. I knew what I needed to do.

First up, I needed to rest. I couldn’t just jump back into journalling and exercising and being creative. I needed to give myself permission to just rest and stop and nap and sleep. After a couple of good nights sleep, I could feel something start to return so on Tuesday I went to my training session. My trainer took one look at me and said, “We’re not working out today” and instead he took me through a tapping session which was just what I needed.

Now, a couple of days and a couple more good sleeps later, I’m feeling better still. I did a 30 minute training session instead of my usual hour. I got dressed, did my make up and washed my hair. I’m sat here, writing for the first time in weeks. I’m slowly building myself back up and I’m remember to take my meds religiously.

It’s not easy when you struggle to break the cycle of doing really well, overdoing it and crashing and burning and I don’t know if that’s 100% possible. I’d like to think it happens a lot less than it did when I was in my 20s and 30s. The real joy for me is in knowing that I’m finally recognising what is actually happening rather than letting myself believe all those things and sink into depression. That used to happen and that was hard.

This is a lot to take in on a Friday - I get that - but with the school holidays in full flow and social events picking up speed again, it’s really easy for us to overdo it especially when we are so out of practice. So I guess, I’d like to be your cautionary tale today. I’d like to say, ‘do as I say, don’t do as I do,’ in the kindest way possible.

Rest. Say no. Take care of yourself. Repeat.

Cat x